3 WAYS TO DEAL WITH DRAMA KINGS AND QUEENS

I know someone who creates a drama out everything that doesn’t go her way. She thrives on creating ‘a scene’ and doesn’t stop until someone is paying full attention to her, and only her needs.

Maybe you know someone just like her? At work or in your personal life.

I’ve witnessed this person leave others utterly speechless with their emotional explosions, and sometimes it’s not noise and mayhem she creates, she can change the mood of a room, and even a party, with her coldness and silence.

Remove them from my life? No, I love them; it’s only a behavior I don’t like. They do have some wonderful other qualities.

When someone is continually sucking you into their life drama, how can you stay apart from it and still be there for them? How can you care and not allow someone else’s drama to become yours? How can you create a safe relationship where both sides are equal, even if one person doesn’t think the needs of the other are important?

Can we?

Here are some thoughts:

#1 Stay off the Stage

The drama queens and kings like nothing better than to include people in their performance. You don’t have to take part; you don’t need to step onto that stage with them. Watch from the balcony, as soon as you start paying attention to the drama or the performance, pull yourself back to your seat.

Ask of yourself: what can I do to help (not rescue) this person right now? Then do it. That may include walking away.

Ask yourself: what are they getting from this drama? Are they trying to tell me something that they can’t manage right now?

Ask of yourself: what do I need right now? And do it.  Nothing states anywhere you have to watch.

  

#2 Remember It’s Not Your Show

I’ll admit it’s difficult watching and listening to my friend going through the ‘dramas’, there’s a part of me that  thinks ‘why do you do this to yourself?’ I know the answer: they are getting something from it. Play it cool. Don’t fuel their emotions with your own.

Whatever their reasons (which they will have) know it’s not your play, it’s not your story.

Be honest with the review. If you don’t like a behavior say so, you can do this and still respect the other person. You could try:

“When (insert the behavior) it makes me feel (insert the feeling), I would prefer it if you would (insert the desired behavior.

Of course they don’t have to listen. But if they don’t, that says a lot more.

#3 Bring Down The Curtain – Boundaries

All relationships have boundaries.

And these boundaries will be different person to person. If you were a coach you would have fixed boundaries: the lines you never cross. Can friendships have the same? I think so.

Another friend of mine is always late. Not once they have never been on time, ever.

We have boundaries now, the wait will be no more than half an hour. Give her time to be who she is, and us both a cutoff point.

Boundaries keep you safe. So before an interaction with the dramatist:

Protect yourself for each interaction. Know what you will tolerate, and what you won’t. In coaching we agree times, perhaps you agree with the drama queen a ‘free-reign’ of time, and that’s it?

Do what’s in your best interest and theirs. If you can’t listen, say so. If you need to create some space, create it.

Tell them what you will and won’t tolerate. And then know what you will do if it’s crossed. And stick to it.